My girlfriend, whom I’ve been dating for about 6 weeks, is secretive, and I’m concerned. Can U offer advice?
She’s 35, and she has stated to me that she got a divorce in 2007 because she claims that her ex-husband cheated on her and had a child with the woman with whom he was allegedly having the affair.
Anyhow, she has an average house, and she is an intelligent person. I’ve been up-front with her about everything in my life, to the point of being “painfully honest” about all of my shortcomings and faults. Yet, she is very, very secretive about many aspects of her life, and I just do not understand it completely.
We have been intimate, but we haven’t officially had sexual relations “in the traditional sense.” I stayed at her house a few weekends ago, and then last weekend, I stayed at her house for the entire weekend. During the last day, I went to take a shower, and she told me not to go into one of the rooms in her house. During the night, I could have sworn that I faintly heard movement in the house, and when I asked her that I wanted to see what was in the room, she said no. I could not understand what she could have been hiding for me to have not seen what was in this room, and it is still bothering me. She told me (no joke) in a facitious way that she “had a dead body in there” and that I would have to forfeit my handgun if I wanted to see what was inside the room (I have a Glock that I have a permit to carry, and she has handguns as well). Anyhow, I never did see the room, but I am very, very suspicious of her secretive behaviour, especially considering the occasional noises that I would hear – - it kind of sounded like someone was trying to walk around without trying to arouse suspicion.
Then, this weekend, she told me that she was going on a trip with her friends to a craft and gun show. However, she refused to tell me the names of her friends, like it was some kind of state secret or something! Then, she calls me up on my cell phone, and tells me that she had to return home because of an argument that errupted between 3 of these alleged anonymous “friends” of hers. I asked her where she was on the road (because we were going to meet at her house, which is an hour away from my house) and she would not tell me where she was! We still agreed to meet at her place, so I drove to her house about 2 hours later following our telephone conversation. I only wanted to know so that I could leave my house at the right time, which is over an hour away from her place. Anyhow, we met at her place and ate at an Applebees, went for a walk in a park, went back to her place, and I gave her a back massage in her bedroom. But she still would not tell me what was in that other bedroom, and I still had a creepy feeling about what was on the other side of that wall.
I realize that some privacy is ok, but I think that her behaviour regarding this secrecy and “off-limits areas” of her house is not normal, and I am very concerned, to say the least.
About 3 weeks ago, she told me that she had a background check done on me before we went out on our first date. We met on eharmony.
Why would a 35 year old woman who is seeking a relationship act so secretive if there wasn’t anything to hide? I am certain that I don’t know any of her friends, so why doesn’t she want me to know the names of her friends? Do you believe that I should stop seeing her? Do you think she’s fooling around with other people, or that this behaviour is just a little quirk? For me, this goes beyond something innocent, like having “a junk room” or a messy room that she is ashamed of – - it is as if she has something in that room that she wants to hide from me.
Your advice is sincerely appreciated.
Thanks.
Wow… hmmm. As a 36 yr old single mother, I might not want to introduce a guy I met online to kid just yet… But I would say the kid was there and never make my kid stay in one room of my house while I had a date over, hide him or make him hide.
And if I was, say, a stripper or had a grow-op or ******* gear or something right next door… no overnight guests who werent into it with me! LOL I am trying to think what else I might have a room hiding.
Your imagination… let alone everyone elses on here… will probably be far more twisted than reality. Be straight with her, that you like where this is heading but NEED to understand some stuff before this goes further. Be aware she may just be insecure or unconfident… assuming you would ditch her if you saw how sloppy her walk-in closet gets, or that she is a cat lady with 6 of them in there, or something. But she has to realise its time to say something if its time to have you sleep over!
I could get long winded but the bottom line would be the same. Move on.
Personally, that would give me the creeps – enough to break it off. Who knows what is going on – but it is wierd; and things tend to get worse once you get more “entwined”
You know the saying – things that bother you now are worse once married. (not that you are going to marry her) but if she doesn’t improve her communication and come clean – it doesn’t sound like ya’ll can have a healthy relationship
Terry O said it well
creeepy……I don’t think she would have her kid in that room for that many hours if she didn’t want you to see her kid yet. And it maybe that she has a surprise for you…but that sounds pretty creepy….You might want to break it off if she is not gonna tell you i wouldn’t go over to her house anymore
The only way to find out what’s going on is to ask her: tell her that you feel that she is keeping a lot from you and that you’d like to get to know her better.
We can’t tell you what’s going on with your girlfriend.
It may be that she has a secret, or it may be that she’s just cautious. The only way to know is to actually communicate with her.
i would definetly move on. sounds like she may have some sort of mental problem and you dont want to get involved with that!
To be honest with you I find the whole situation a little odd. I too feel the same way you do about all this secrecy, especially that spare room. I am glad that you never went in there, who knows what is in there and whatever it is legal or illegal you don’t want a part of it. I don’t think there is trust for you on her part and her life is just to secretive to build any kind of relationship. I would tell her how you feel about the whole thing and how uncomfortable the whole thing makes you feel. Just tell her you like her and you don’t want to put a damper on the relationship but you just can’t live in secrecy like that. Either she clears the air with some information that you can accept or get out of the relationship. It is just to weird to stay there. There are a lot of weird people in this world, she ranks amongst those. Good luck to you and I wish you the very best. Just get out before you get hurt or worse.
We don’t even have all the details but none of us seem to like it. Your story creeped me out just by reading what you did post, maybe I watch too much sci-fi horror time.
But ya know what? If it’s giving you the creeps, I’d say it’s more than just a woman protecting herself from getting hurt again. If she’s never dated someone she met on a computer before then that could be it and maybe she’s testing you as well as protecting herself.
But if it’s to the point where it’s creeping you out I’d say you have two options: 1) demand some answers or 2) bail out
Run Forrest, run!!!!
This woman has too many secrets.
Are you sure she, really is a she???
Your letter reads like a Steven King novel – very scary. Her sense of humor about a dead body being in the room and you having to give up your handgun, does not sound funny. It sounds like a threat, besides dead bodies do not make noises.
It could be anything from an exotic pet, a child or someone held against their will in that room. Think the worst and hope for the best. Put her on the spot and tell her that the next time you come over you want to see what is in the room, she may tell you not to come over anymore. Be assertive with her.